Honesty

I work to improve, but to what avail? I cannot trust my judgment of my progression, nor the “kind” words of others; the words of one to withhold, or another to push forward.

What is to be the test of my measure?

Lies are what they are, no matter the intention. Their greatest power is to hurt and to damage. Untrue words, though kindly spoken, can have devastating effects.

I no longer know who to trust, who I can rely on for an honest answer. To improve I must know where I have erred. Criticism and firm words are essential to mold my gifts into talent.
I am afraid now to know how far, with the help of others, I have deluded myself.

Mediocrity

My greatest foe is mediocrity.

I enjoy singing, drawing, writing poetry and stories. People say, “You do well.” But I want more from myself. I want that which I cannot have; I want excellence.

I would like to think the quality does not matter if it is something I enjoy, if it serves as my release. Some may be content with less then they are capable, or with the false one that seek to appease and comfort. I prefer harsh reality.

It is disheartening to be mediocre in so many things. Can I not have at least one thing in which I can excel?

Courage

My lack of courage is my downfall. To succeed in any of my dreams I have to have the courage to take the first step.

I always tell myself that when the time comes I will step forward and make the decision.
I delude myself. I cannot wait for things to happen. I have to pray about it and then take the necessary steps.

We spend so much time waiting for the right moment that we miss the opportunity to make the right moment. There have been many times when the right moment did come but I shrank back and let it pass me by. I died inside everytime it happened. I watched my dream float past me down the river of life and I felt like I would drown.

I didn't though. Each day continued to follow the previous and my life went on.
All I can do now is pray for courage. Then maybe I won't have to wait for the next "right moment."